Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
