or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
