I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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