dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize