just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
