i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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