So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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