Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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