so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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