I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
