So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
