Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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