at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
