does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
