Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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