Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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