I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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