There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
