Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
