Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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