yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize