she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
