I cockslap morals
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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