I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
