i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize