There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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