You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
