Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
