So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
