Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize