My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
