I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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