Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
