So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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