I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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