Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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