I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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