omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Drunk is a universal language darling
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
