he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
