A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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