Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
