Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
