I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
