apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
