I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
