He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
