My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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