I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
