i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
