My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
