Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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