life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize