Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
