UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
