ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
