her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
