It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
