they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
