Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is Oprah even human
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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