it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
