Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
