You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
