Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
