Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
