Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
