between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
