i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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