i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize