i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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