I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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