i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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