I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
