I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
