so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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