loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
