I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
