It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
